


The Very Serious Cat and Roomba Fic

by Kyriadamorte



Series: Written post-TLJ [20]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Kylo is a cat - Freeform, Leia and Han are Doing Their Best, Rey is a Roomba, Snoke still manages to be The Worst, i don't know what kind of AU to call this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 01:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18355784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyriadamorte/pseuds/Kyriadamorte
Summary: Kylo is a kitten. Rey is a Roomba.  Han and Leia are first time cat owners.That's it. That's the fic.





	The Very Serious Cat and Roomba Fic

Leia's not quite sure what to do with him.When she'd seen the way that horrid old man from down the street - Mr. Smoke? Spoke? - had treated the poor little thing, she'd spent no time at all persuading Han into helping her with a quick bit of cat-napping.Neither of their hips or knees were really a big fan of the fence-jumping (it was definitely much easier back in undergrad), but they'd managed.And although Han's been on the straight and narrow for a while now, he can still pick a lock in no time at all.

She tries not to be proud of that or find it attractive.

Anyway, neither of them have ever had a cat before, have ever had a _pet_ before (no, Han's old roommate and best man, Chewie, doesn't count, despite the hippy hair and beard) so that definitely takes some getting used to. Turns out some types of litter are better than others.Some kinds of litter _boxes_ are better than others.And, even when you get the best of the best, certain little princelings will insist on digging out all of the litter and distributing it evenly throughout the house. Well, at least he uses it. _Now_ , that is.

Leia's also bought him a cat tower and a scratching post.Two of each, actually.Han had joked that Little Ben had nicer furniture then they did and it's not entirely untrue.

Too bad that he's afraid of literally all of them. 

Poor thing still gives them all a wide berth, particularly the big one in the living room.He's stopped hissing at them as he passes, though, which she supposes is progress.Now, if only that improvement would lead to him actually _using_ them, instead of the couch.And the rocking chair.And Leia's favorite sweater.

He still won't let either of them pet him.Can't say that she blames him, after the way that piece of-She tries not to take it personally.He's a _cat_ , a kitten. They're supposed to be standoffish, right?

Except she's met Amilyn's cat.Poe _loves_ her - purrs when she scratches behind his ears, exposes his soft little tummy, even brings her toys to throw for him. 

"I swear," Amilyn says one day, when there's a small pile of sparkly balls and toy mice at Leia's feet, "sometimes I think he likes you even more than me!"

Her own little kitty won't even always stay in the same room as her.But Leia's not a quitter. She's not going to give him up; she doesn't care what Luke says.

~

Kylo waits until The Man leaves the house to come out from under the couch.He'd gotten in a good swipe at his ankle this morning as he'd passed by, but hadn't managed to fell his foe. Now he wonders if he's going to seek vengeance. Better not to risk it.

The Man fiddles with a not-food-smelling something and puts it on the ground. "Here you go, little gadget. Maybe you can keep up with the fur and littler; lord knows I can't."

He puts it on the ground before going to The Outside.Where Kylo is not allowed to go.But he kind of wants to.One day.He hears the noise that kind of sounds like a toy, but is not a toy and then there's a click and it means that the door is not just Closed, it's Locked, which means Very Closed, which means that The Man will not be back for a while.

Time to inspect the intruder.

Kylo wiggles out from under the couch and makes his way over to the round shiny, not-food-thing. He sniffs it again, just to be sure. Nope, still not food. It smells a lot like The Man. And packing popcorn, which The Woman says are not food, but Kylo's not so sure she's telling the truth.He's about to lick it to double-triple-check when some lights turn on and it starts buzzing slightly and it starts _moving!_

Kylo is _gone!_ Run! Run! Run! Skiiid - ahhh, crashed into the wall!He jumps straight up, startled at the impact, and scampers up the stairs.When he gets to the top, he scratches on the Soft Grey Chair for a good minute, to make sure it still knows who is in charge.

He feels a little better.

~

Kylo takes a very quick nap - much shorter than he normally does around this time of day - and then bravely makes his way back down stairs. The intruder is still moving. He briefly considers running back up stairs, but decides to crouch down and sneak up on it instead.Or at least watch it for a bit. And wiggle his butt a few times.

The intruder's path is fairly easy to predict after watching it go back and forth about four to eleven times.He's about to relax into watching time number twelve when he sees what's directly in front of the intruder. _Oh no!_

Kylo springs up, jumps, bounds in front of the enemy.He arches his back and makes his fur stand on end he's sure he looks very big and intimidating right now.

 _That fur! Is MINE!_ he hisses, absolutely livid.He makes himself as big as possible, but the intruder doesn't seem to care.It just keeps moving forward, steady, undaunted.And then his fur is GONE! 

The intruder's got a little paw that it's moving back and forth very very fast and even though it's quite scary, Kylo decides he's going to attack it anyway.He can feel it in his paws a few times, but it never really _stays_ under his paws; he can't quite catch it!So, he decides to go in with his nice sharp teeth to show he means business, but the tiny-fast-paw is too clever and swipes him across his nose!

It feels weird!It feels weird it feels weird it feels weird.Kylo hisses and runs away to one of his favorite spots in the corner and growls at it.He's so upset he doesn't even notice when The Man and The Woman get home.

"Well, it looks like Ben found REY while we were out," says The Man, laughing at Kylo and calling him that stupid name.The mockery, the betrayal!

"Han, I can't believe you turned on that thing for the first time while we weren't here to supervise!" The Woman answers.

So.She had known about it, too.He had thought better of her.

He sulks for the rest of the evening and waits a whole fifty two seconds after they open his wet food to come out and eat it.That'll show them.

This REY is going to replace him and erase his scent from everywhere and maybe he doesn't like or trust The Man and The Woman, but they've been better than The First Man and even though he's Very Hungry All the Time, he's hasn't ever been as hungry with them as he was most days The First Man.

It's unfair.

He almost pees outside the litter box, but thinks better of it.

~

Kylo decides to give REY a wide berth for a few days after that.He needs time to lick his wounds - even though they're pretty much all emotional - and put together a new strategy.In the meantime, he gets up on the Man and Woman's bed and rolls around all over the comforter.He notices, with quite a bit of satisfaction, that his fur has shed nicely over most of it.REY cannot get up here.Take _that_.

Well, it doesn't look like REY is completely going to replace him.And even though it cleans up the fur and litter he meticulously places on the floor, The Man and The Woman haven't stopped feeding him, so he's pretty sure they're not going to throw him out.Probably.

Doesn't mean he's just gonna let REY stay without a challenge.

He trains pretty extensively with all of the toys The Woman has bought him and some of the ones she uses to keep back the fur on her head and bats them round quite a lot until he decides that he's Ready.

Kylo makes his way down the stairs.There it goes - back and forth like nothing is wrong.

Kylo goes in for the strike - doesn't use his teeth this time; he's learned from last time.He bats at it with his paws, but his claws are useless against its hard outer shell.He goes for the tiny paw instead, even though he had been unsuccessful last time.Back and forth back and forth back and- GOT IT - no, wait, gone.Back and-

Hey, this is kind of fun!

He stops focusing on defeating REY and focuses more on the back-and-forth movement and the sensation of the _fwip-fwip-fwip!_ against his paws.He manages to corner it at one point without even really trying and then it produces some beeps and a light and it's delightful!Better than even his best toys.

He tries hiding a few times further down REY's path, but it finds him every time!But it doesn't hurt him.Just a tiny little _boop_ and then REY's on its way.Quite excellent.

At some point, he gets the Very Good Idea to hop on top of REY, pounce _right_ on top.It doesn't seem to have any effect.It's not damaged; it doesn't even make some sort of submissive gesture.Just keeps moving.

Oh, wow - REY's moving!With Kylo on top!So it's like _he's_ moving, too, even though he's sitting still. This is great.He rides around as Rey finishes its usual path and it's so entertaining he only gets distracted by REY's little back-and-forth-tiny-paw a few times.

They have so much fun that Kylo forgets to take all three of his naps.

REY is very warm when it finally finishes its rounds across the floor and returns to its little spot against the wall.Kylo rubs up against its sides, spreading his scent all over it.Silly thing can't clean itself, so now it's going to smell like him and Belong To Him and that's very nice.

He's so pleased by this development he crawls on top of REY, curls into a little ball, and goes to sleep.

~

"Aww look at him, all tuckered out!" Kylo twitches slightly at The Man's voice, but doesn't fully open his eyes.

"Shh! You'll wake him," says The Woman, quieter.

He can hear her get closer, feels the soft vibration of her footsteps, but he doesn't move.

"Are you gonna let me pet you, Baby Ben?"

Huh.Is he?Her fingers make contact and he's warm and happy and the touches don't hurt, actually, they feel kinda nice. A purr starts vibrating in his throat, in his tummy, and he extends his chin a bit to make sure that she can scratch there, too.

Not the tummy, though.Not today.Maybe tomorrow.

He doesn't even mind that they call him Ben.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Look, there was a cute tweet and I was emotionally compromised.


End file.
